Saturday, December 03, 2005


Immediately deciding to break my vow that there will be less extraneous commentary on this blog, I present... extraneous commentary. No, actually, really, it's related to Detroit, and thus to the Detroit Project. No, really.
By the way, SafeT... keep that drumroll going for a few more days there... that's a good chap.
I found out who's playing the halftime show at Superbowl XL in Detroit! It's the Rolling Stones!
The Rolling Stones?
Normally, I couldn't work up the energy to bother, since the Rolling Stones are about as vanilla and boring a rock act as the world is ever likely to see... and I have no interest in watching the Superbowl... and if I did, I would check out the goofy commercials, then the game... and it would take the threat of forcibly removing my toenails with pliers to get me to watch that steaming pile of offal known as the Superbowl Halftime Show. The only thing that might make it interesting is if Mick Jagger had a wardrobe malfunction and graced 100 million households with the sight of his pastie-covered, withered nipples. On second thought, no. Not even that.
So why, you may ask, are my shorts in a knot?
Because choosing the 'Stones is yet another slap in the face of DETROIT. Yes, that's DETROIT! You know? MOTOWN?????
Does it make any sense at all that a city with as much musical heritage as this one would have ALL OF IT ignored so they could put a bunch of shriveled Brits up there? No offense to any shriveled Brits in the audience, of course...
Instead of Mick n' Keef, how about Stevie Wonder? Diana Ross? The Temptations? What remains of the Four Tops? (I think they just call themselves "The Tops" these days)...
Okay, so Motown isn't what the execs want. How about rock? Alice Cooper? Iggy Pop? What's left of the MC5? Too old school? How about one of the millions of techno artists who started a whole genre? No? How about pop goddess Madonna? Still holding out? How about something real modern, like Kid Rock or Eminem? Actually, seeing as how this is the friggin' Superbowl halftime show and the damn thing goes on for freakin' ever, how about doing a quick complete history of Detroit music? A bit of song from all of the above? WHY NOT?????
Because they're stupid and the whole world hates Detroit. The NFL sucks. Bean counters suck. Marketing people suck.
Because, gee, if you actually honored the MUSIC OF DETROIT the one freaking time you actually hold the damn Superbowl in the CITY OF DETROIT, you might, I don't know, actually have SOMETHING WORTH WATCHING. Then I could keep my toenails and everyone would be happy.
All I can say is, they better let some Detroiter do the national anthem, or I'm getting REALLY mad!


Vulnepro said...

Sometimes Detroit is just a silly place... hears the Monty Python Camelot song O_O

Yeah, I don't quite get it either... poor, poor Detroit. I guess the only upshot here is if the event is a success it will shed hopefully more positive press though. The All Star game went over well enough.

All I see it tap dancing silly knights, Camelot is a silly place, let's not go there. Right!

Hatrax said...

It's the NFL's decision, sadly. Bunch o' bean counters in NY or some other such place who probably think Motown is in Hollywood.
Funny thought, though... picture this:
"And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, we present the Superbowl XL Halftime show, sponsored by (insert sponsor). We now present, Detroit's very own... PRINCESS DRAGON MOM!!!
(Blimp shot of Ford Field roof being blown into the stratosphere and the crowd streaming from the exits with ears bleeding).
Now THAT would be a halftime show worth watching!

Davecat said...

I would pay good money to see Princess Dragon-mom do a halftime show. The Electric Bear would be prominently featured, and undoubtedly launching fireworks in a minimum of ten directions. :-)

It's really fantastic that people outside of Detroit, hosting a major sporting event in Detroit, know nothing of Detroit. (Those research and marketing dollars only go so far, y'see.) But their audacity in not asking any Motown acts to perform is rather staggering. Shit like that wouldn't fly in Chicago, or pre-Katrina New Orleans.

You have to ask, who is to blame? The NFL organisers, for not really giving a toss about Detroit? King Kwame, for not demanding that a Motown act be used? Both parties? They're both wankers, so I think both should be held accountable.

Mike, I think you need to get to work on designing a T-shirt: it would alter Dubya's famous statement of 'You forgot Poland' into 'You forgot Motown'.

Anonymous said...

It is no big shock, as the NFL has never based the halftime show on where the game is. Out of all the Superbowls in New Orleans, they never specifically went for NO-based performers, despite that city's rich heritage. This is more a case of Detroiters getting upset at a perceived dig rather than any real offense meant by the NFL. Also, from a purely mercenary standpoint, the Stones, as musically useless as they've been for 35-plus years, still draw huge crowds for their geriatrics on parade tours. No classic Motown act can match them, however much Detroiters would like to think so. FYI: the NFL did have a Motown-themed halftime show for Motown's 25th anniversary, when the game was in San Diego.

Anonymous said...

really, this game has nothing to do with detroit anyhow . . . why exactly is it even being held (t)here at all?

Hatrax said...

I must admit, Zip Gun is right on all his points. The reason they probably don't do city-based music is because the same cities seem to get it over and over and... well. And yes, it probably isn't meant to be a slap in Detroit's face. With all the slapping that's going to be going on in the national media anyway, why find an extra one where none probably exists?
I still think Stevie Wonder singing the anthem, with a halftime show split between Princess Dragon Mom and Iggy and the Stooges, with a dance number featuring Bruce Campbell as Ash decapitating zombies with his chainsaw hand, all choreographed by Sam Raimi, would be perfect... sigh.

Tomas_Quinones said...

Why is Detroit even hosting the Superbowl? Should it be held in one of the cities that actually have a team playing in the game? I don't ever recall the Detroit Lions making it in my lifetime.

How about we all just ignore the "Not-so-super-bowl", especially people like me that don't even like American Football, and just watch the commercials that they air on the internet the next day? Then, maybe advertisers will get the hint that not as many people watch as they thought.

Hatrax said...

Okay, I just found out that they have Stevie Wonder booked to do three or four songs during the pre-game show. Cancel the alert. You may all return to your posts.

Vulnepro said...

Knowing what I know of Princess Dragon-mom concerts that would be a wee bit, insane but damn amusing to see :)

I stand by my initial comment, silliness abounds here. Detroit IS a great city in so many ways, but... also a wounded and tragically mismanaged mess for some time now that is clearly going to be a slow process to rectify, providing it is in any way. The upshot of the Super bowl being here is, again, any positive press it may bring providing the event is a success as the All Star game was. Why Detroit? Well why any city really but as others have pointed out this is the NFL's gig, not ours, we just happen to be the location hosting it. Maybe what they need really IS some dancing knights of Camelot, this is a silly city after all ;)